More points to ponder
Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2022 2:46 pm
I've been pondering,
I've been pondering about what it means to love and what it is to be in love.
If a good friend wants to let someone down gently, they may say "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." This looks like a heartbreaking rejection, but is the former really less desirable than the latter? Love is selflessness, and you care for the well-being of what you love. To love is to embrace pain and resist selfish desires.
The tingling sensation of love is something I feel when I am alone, perceiving that the universe is far bigger than I can comprehend and I will only experience a miniscule fraction of it. I am an infinitesimal speck of sapience in an existence far grander than myself. It started long before I was born, and will continue moving far after I'm gone, with countless small specks of sapience experiencing parts of it I will not know. Any day, I can take a moment to empty my mind, take in all the sensations before me as if they are new, forget that things have names, and I will love the universe.
Love is also the crushing feeling of accepting that someone you want to be close to so badly does not want you to be a part of their life. It's letting go and moving on from past events, forgiving past wrongs in yourself and others, and foregoing immediate gratification to stay faithful to higher principles when nobody but you knows or cares what you're doing.
I would say I have felt a lot more love in solitude than in sharing my space with another.
Now, what about being in love?
This is a classification that is usually reserved for a crush or a romantic partner. But as I have pondered on it, it applies to more areas of life than that. A merman can be in love with his work to the point it takes over his life and separates him from his family. A powerful queen sea witch can be so in love with her ideology that she will indoctrinate the masses at birth and wage wars to force her ideals on everyone; she cannot tolerate the existence of mermaids who do not share her opinions and they must either be converted or exterminated. A merman can be so in love with a great book that he refuses to see its flaws and will defend or ignore atrocities done by those who penned it.
Being in love feels good, but it can lead to terrible consequences when left unchecked. So why do so many desire to be in love more than to love? Do the two have to be mutually exclusive? When they are, this is what can be expected:
A merman who is in love with himself, but does not love himself will have a big ego and a low self esteem. He will indulge in gratification when he knows it is harmful to himself and others. If he is in love with a mermaid, and does not love her, he will be consumed by a selfish obsession and project what he wants rather than see the truth.
A merman who loves himself and is not in love with himself will do what is right even when he feels scared and weak. He will want to be good and to do good and give reverence to the community and merfolk he also loves. If he loves a mermaid, but is not in love with her, he will want only what is best for her and himself and he cares not for beauty or grace; he sees who she truly is and knows her flaws, and loves her anyway.
So how can a merman be disappointed if he hears "I love you, but I am not in love with you?" What if he is told the opposite? What if a woman tells him she will feel alone in the world without him, and he points out all the family and companions she has, and her response is "but I'm not in love with them." How does he respond to that, if he loves her?
He could say that love takes time, and declarations of love should not be done lightly. But then he thinks of a newborn child, a stray catshark without a home, and reading classic epics. Surely, those are situations where falling in love fast is most beneficial; it is better than parents letting babies die if they think time is required for love to form in all situations. The merman has to admit there are times when instant love is appropriate. He accepts this, but has more to consider that leaves him apprehensive.
What if he has seen a man he thought could be a friend let himself get brainwashed by a cult and act on their orders only because he is in love? What if he has bonded with someone he thought could be a father figure, and this bond was quickly and callously broken simply because the woman he is in love with got hurt and he swears vengeance on an entire group he was formerly in allegiance to who had nothing to do with it? What if he has read stories of people in love held hostage and everything was put at risk and costly sacrifice had to be made to save them?
What if he lives in a society that will arrest him for committing an act of heresy if they discover he would engage in being in love in this way and they take it seriously?
... but that is getting too specific.
What if he is afraid that she is in love with him, but does not love him? That would be more heartbreaking to him than the opposite.
It seems that to be in love is exclusional, but love does not have favorites. A merman who loves the sea is enamored by the chimeric green and magenta scales on the tail of every parrotfish, gazes to the gyrations of undulating anemones in awe, and adores the skittering giant sponge crabs and magnificent coral reefs and tangled kelp forests and the bubbling volcanic vents that has nothing to do with him. A merman who is in love with the ocean only thinks about water.
Maybe a state of being in love can, with time, develop into true love, and no matter if the two come together or drift apart, all will be well, because they will do it with love.
It's just something to ponder.
I've been pondering about what it means to love and what it is to be in love.
If a good friend wants to let someone down gently, they may say "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." This looks like a heartbreaking rejection, but is the former really less desirable than the latter? Love is selflessness, and you care for the well-being of what you love. To love is to embrace pain and resist selfish desires.
The tingling sensation of love is something I feel when I am alone, perceiving that the universe is far bigger than I can comprehend and I will only experience a miniscule fraction of it. I am an infinitesimal speck of sapience in an existence far grander than myself. It started long before I was born, and will continue moving far after I'm gone, with countless small specks of sapience experiencing parts of it I will not know. Any day, I can take a moment to empty my mind, take in all the sensations before me as if they are new, forget that things have names, and I will love the universe.
Love is also the crushing feeling of accepting that someone you want to be close to so badly does not want you to be a part of their life. It's letting go and moving on from past events, forgiving past wrongs in yourself and others, and foregoing immediate gratification to stay faithful to higher principles when nobody but you knows or cares what you're doing.
I would say I have felt a lot more love in solitude than in sharing my space with another.
Now, what about being in love?
This is a classification that is usually reserved for a crush or a romantic partner. But as I have pondered on it, it applies to more areas of life than that. A merman can be in love with his work to the point it takes over his life and separates him from his family. A powerful queen sea witch can be so in love with her ideology that she will indoctrinate the masses at birth and wage wars to force her ideals on everyone; she cannot tolerate the existence of mermaids who do not share her opinions and they must either be converted or exterminated. A merman can be so in love with a great book that he refuses to see its flaws and will defend or ignore atrocities done by those who penned it.
Being in love feels good, but it can lead to terrible consequences when left unchecked. So why do so many desire to be in love more than to love? Do the two have to be mutually exclusive? When they are, this is what can be expected:
A merman who is in love with himself, but does not love himself will have a big ego and a low self esteem. He will indulge in gratification when he knows it is harmful to himself and others. If he is in love with a mermaid, and does not love her, he will be consumed by a selfish obsession and project what he wants rather than see the truth.
A merman who loves himself and is not in love with himself will do what is right even when he feels scared and weak. He will want to be good and to do good and give reverence to the community and merfolk he also loves. If he loves a mermaid, but is not in love with her, he will want only what is best for her and himself and he cares not for beauty or grace; he sees who she truly is and knows her flaws, and loves her anyway.
So how can a merman be disappointed if he hears "I love you, but I am not in love with you?" What if he is told the opposite? What if a woman tells him she will feel alone in the world without him, and he points out all the family and companions she has, and her response is "but I'm not in love with them." How does he respond to that, if he loves her?
He could say that love takes time, and declarations of love should not be done lightly. But then he thinks of a newborn child, a stray catshark without a home, and reading classic epics. Surely, those are situations where falling in love fast is most beneficial; it is better than parents letting babies die if they think time is required for love to form in all situations. The merman has to admit there are times when instant love is appropriate. He accepts this, but has more to consider that leaves him apprehensive.
What if he has seen a man he thought could be a friend let himself get brainwashed by a cult and act on their orders only because he is in love? What if he has bonded with someone he thought could be a father figure, and this bond was quickly and callously broken simply because the woman he is in love with got hurt and he swears vengeance on an entire group he was formerly in allegiance to who had nothing to do with it? What if he has read stories of people in love held hostage and everything was put at risk and costly sacrifice had to be made to save them?
What if he lives in a society that will arrest him for committing an act of heresy if they discover he would engage in being in love in this way and they take it seriously?
... but that is getting too specific.
What if he is afraid that she is in love with him, but does not love him? That would be more heartbreaking to him than the opposite.
It seems that to be in love is exclusional, but love does not have favorites. A merman who loves the sea is enamored by the chimeric green and magenta scales on the tail of every parrotfish, gazes to the gyrations of undulating anemones in awe, and adores the skittering giant sponge crabs and magnificent coral reefs and tangled kelp forests and the bubbling volcanic vents that has nothing to do with him. A merman who is in love with the ocean only thinks about water.
Maybe a state of being in love can, with time, develop into true love, and no matter if the two come together or drift apart, all will be well, because they will do it with love.
It's just something to ponder.